Bar-Wynn's Bards notes journal –
The tale of Pint, Big Damn Dwarven Hero: (Draft – version 1)
We woke to a glorious sunrise and a nice breeze, which meant that everyone in the party made sure to not stand down wind of Pint. The party felt better after a good nights rest and some food, but we weren't ready to head back into the mouth of that lion of a dungeon that bit us yesterday just yet. Our cleric gained his god's blessings for our party and bestowed healing upon the group. Whatever foul creatures inhabit this keep are are strong. Yet no matter the foe Pint remains fearless in their presence.
(editors note: I think I just threw up in my mouth while writing that)
Decending into the abysal darkness we stumbled upon an odd sight. Kobolds. Kobolds carrying Obsidian to make mirrors. Several of them were armed and had prisoners. Pint drew his axe, his battle cry echoing off the walls - and heads fell. Oh, and Godric and Rhimira helped as well with the 'heads falling' part, but in the end all agreed the hero of the “Obsidian Battle” was pint.
(editor's note: I can't believe I have to write drivel about a dwarf that just wants to hack and slash. Both Godric and Rhimira are much better fighters than Pint, but it's his story. Just have to do my job.)
Pint insisted that we rescue the 2 prisoners and that they should accompany us for their own safety.
(editors note: bound and tied. Like they had a choice. Those were 2 dumb ass kobolds. Couldn't even give us any useful intel on the dungeon they live in. Although they did tell us about a ghost. And that the children are indeed here and are being prepared for a sacrifice! Maybe they were more useful than we thought.)
Upon entering a room that appeared to be sleeping quarters the group spied a group of VOUS's (Vermin of Unusual Size) We weren't quite sure what they were so Pint suggested that we take a more tactical approach and step aside “for the moment”. With Pint as our leader we cannot fail. Everyone trusts his judgement implicitly.
(editors note: Ok, those things made us nervous. They did not attack us. Better to step away and fight another day.)
Heading into the musty gloom of a deep hallway the entire party froze in fear. Everyone that is, except Pint. Ahead of us was indeed the ghost of a Dwarven Warrior, battle axe held high. Whoever this was in a previous life, they were truly fearsome.
(editor's note: It wasn't really moving or doing anything. It just kind of floated down the hallways towards us so I walked up to it while the others were trying to figure out what to do. They followed eventually. It was an unmoving suit of armor that just kept slowly advancing down the hallway towards us. That's it. There were no furtive moves on it's part. Just slowly advancing. Odd.)
Pint shouted at the creature. “Halt! Halt and submit foul darkness!” to no avail. The armor advanced, laughing menacingly with each meter. Pint reached for the armor which attacked Pint with an unholy burning of Pint's off hand. That is a scar that he shall carry for the rest of his days.
(editor's note: We didn't know what it was. Pint reached for the armor and got his hand burned.)
One of the kobolds, terrified beyond the capacity for his small mind to comprehend, attempted to flee and tripped – falling face first towards the Ungodly foe before us. He was consumed by the ghost's energy. Struggling, after a few moments the kobold fell still.
(editors note: That Bastard Pint picked the effing kobold up over his head and threw it at the ghost! What kind of a sick bastard does something like that!)
Ortho, our wonderfully kind and benevolent cleric once again beseeched his gods, believing this to be a foul creature from the underworld. He attempted to dispell it through his diety's blessings and touched the shade. Alas, he too fell into the grasp of the foe before us and was consumed. Yet he still lived.
“Enough foul Creature! I shall 'reek my rewenge' upon you!” Pint cried, and turning towards us he shouted at us “Run, you fools!” Despite the danger to himself he confidently dispatched the ghost and rescued our good friend and brother cleric.
(editors note: I took my sword out and swung at the ghost. Turned out it was empty armor unside a gelatinous cube. Standing aside due to limited space Godric and Rhamira stepped up and cut Ortho out of the cube. He's lucky to be alive. Another 30 seconds and he may not have been.
We basically killed a giant landbased jellyfish. Yeah us.)
And there before us, with the ghost dispatched and the armor that the foul shade possessed lying upon the ground...
(editors note: I've got to find another adjective besides 'foul'. It's getting old real fast).
It was then that Pint realized, it was his uncle's armor. Grief overtook him as he fell to his knees sobbing in a hysterical yet manly and heroic way. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he slowly grasped his uncles axe. GlintAxe. “I hold this for you, uncle. I hold this for you.” he muttered and stood and turned to the group. “We cannot help the dead. There will be an hour to mourn but it is not this hour. Let us go.” And with that, the group moved away.
(editor's note: The bastard didn't even care about his uncle. Or Ortho. He didn't even kill the thing. It was Godric and Rhamira! They are the real Heros. He practically peed himself at getting that damn axe! I'm just glad Ortho was OK. Damn... that was a close one.)
Ortho was hurt. Pint was scarred. The party walked away victorious but at a cost. Still, undaunted and determined to save those children the party pressed onward.
(editor's note: we had the crap beat out of us. Between the kobolds and that cube, none of us were in good shape.)
The next chamber held a strange sight. Fog rising from the floor. And across the room were 2 small dragons. Scaled and viscious, upon sighting Pint they reared upon their hind legs and bellowed a challenge to battle.
(editor's note: actually they just sat there. And they were just lizards. Not dragons. But it's not very epic like to say 2 lizards kicked our ass entirely. We were dumb asses and attacked them. We might have been able to walk around them and just keep going but nooooooo. We are all filled with piss and vinegar and battle rage so we attack them. Not smart.)
The dragons roar echoed through the chamber and the steam blinded all as they loosed their first volley of electricity. The party fell to their knees gasping. Everyone that is, except Pint. “Is that all you have got – DRAGON?” Glancing through the doorway Pint spies our Kobold friend lying motionless, bleeding from the ears. Turning towards the closest dragon, “Hello. My name is Pint Bloodhorn. You have killed my kobold friend. Prepare to die!”
(editor's note: What the hell were those things! They kicked our asses? The Kobold wasn't even in the room and it got killed! I ran like hell! Randy wasn't far behind that Kobold in going down. I grabbed Ortho as I headed out and physically dragged him outside. He wasn't going to make it. Bleeding Out doesn't describe his condition. I whipped out that healing potion and used that to stabilize him. Pint and Rhamira and Godric stayed in the room with those things and finally killed them. That was NOT FUN. We had to get out of there. At this point I believe a gnat, butterfly and a junebug could take the party down.)
Victorious but in need of sleep and food, Pint lead us from the labyrinth to the stairway where the wolf indicated his impatience with the rate of our progress. Pint held GlintAxe menacingly. “We shall be finished when we are finished.” and simply walked away.
(editor's note: That wolf could so eat us all and not even burp. I'm not sure how many more times we get a free pass. I believe Rhamira is right. We should be killing the wolf. He has shown himself to be a big baddie much more than the Kobolds. Personally I believe Pint is the reason the wolf hasn't eaten us. Not because he is so menacing but because the wolf knows if he eats Pint that taste is going to linger for days.)
The party slept fitfully that night. All were consumed with the thoughts of the children. We awoke to another day and with the blessings of Ortho's kind diety we were healed once more and ready for battle. Today would be a sore test for all.
Pint entered the next chamber first, with the rest of us in tow. Once inside the floor tilted and we all fell!
(editor's note: I went in first. But as I stuck to the walls to get a view of what was going on – and Pint being Pint - he strode right in and sprung a trap that Randy missed. We were all in the room when the floor tilted. The part that really hurt is once we fell to what was now the floor, all of the statues on the other side of the room fell on top of us! )
The room righted itself. Having learned our lesson we proceeded to the next room with greater caution and wisdom about what this place could throw at us. The next room was even stranger.
As we entered a specter appeared. And in the center of the room a pedastool upon which balanced a giant horn. The specter attacked. Always selfless, Pint lead the counterattack against the specter.
(editor's note: Pint is a moron! He stood there going toe to toe with this ghost who was making him even stupider by the second! Everyone knows that certain ghosts can steal parts of your soul, or your mind. Everyone except Pint. That ghost stole his mind! He started out as a pretty dim bulb but now he is somewhere between a slug and a toad on the smarts scale of life. Godric and Rhamira would have known to step away from that thing, but Pint... god help his tribe if he becomes their leader.)
Knowing that the battle was well in Pint's hands Rhamira stepped away to examine the horn. Putting her ear to it she reported hearing messages. Children's cries. Something about a curse on the Kobold clan that lives here.
Having vanquished his foe Pint spun, his beard flowing dramatically as if blown by an unseen breeze. “Hark Rhamira! What news does the listening horn bring?!
(editor's note: In reality Pint's brain isn't right at the current time. I'm not sure he could actually speak intelligible sentences and if he could it would be more along the lines of 'Duahh... Pint want cookie'. That ghost did a serious number on his synapses.)
About this time Randy found a hidden passage leading to a room. It was the room of someone who engaged in magical arts, mayhaps even the room previously occupied by the specter Pint recently dispatched.
(editor's note: We found some really cool stuff. I got some slippers of spider climbing. We found a gauntlet which kind of turned Godric's hand to obsidian. Not really good for a 2 handed weapon fighter. Now sure what we are going to do about this.)