Coming up next on the Pirate Channel, DRUNK HISTORY:
Gather ‘round ye lot, I’m goin' t' be tellin' ye a story…
Followin' th' noisy, slimy destruction o' th' giant mushroom dear ol' mum, bless her black soul goddess, a secret passage be discovered through th' gelatinous mess.
Davian, th' rogue, makes his way along th' passage t' a room dominated by an even bigger darker stinkier mushroom giant.
Davian throws another packet o' fungicide but did not notice huge spore-roids until they were chasin' that scurvey dog back down th' passage. The ornery cuss attempts t' close th' door t' keep th' spore-roids out and Myrna, th' fighter, moves t' assist.
Th' door flies open throwin' Myrna back. Yo-ho-ho!
Two spor-roids come noisily into th' room ready t' fight! Splice the mainbrace!
One spor-roid slams th' fighter into th' wall but somehow also throws itself into th' wall causin' more damage t' itself than t' th' lass, and dinna spare the whip, by Blackbeard's sword!
A spor-roid attacks Lead Tiger, makin' that scurvey dog quite angry.
Dar-wynn landed a nice blow, doin' some damage.
Davian moves closer t' th' action but misses his target. Next, th' spor-roid attempts t' attack Dar-wynn but misses and wraps its appendage aroun' itself hittin' th' back o' its head.
Dar-wynn takes advantage o' this opportunity and chunks o' th' spore-roid go flyin'. Fire the cannons! Pus flows freely from th' wounds.
Lead Tiger flanks and hits his opponent but Myrna misses in her attack. Konraad casts cure light wounds t' help keep th' fighter on that comely wench’s feet.
Th' injured spore-roid releases a cloud o' poisonous spores thus causin' th' party t' become fatigued.
Dar-wynn continues t' take apart the spore-roid, makin' a chunky mess on th' floor.
Both Myrna and Davian miss their next attempts, I'll warrant ye.
Konraad’s next spell backlashes, causin' damage t' th' fighter.
Larm’s last remainin' topiary finishes off th' badly damaged spore-roid in a shower or mushroom bits. Ahoy! Sounds tasty? Aarrr! Nay, this be no mushroom ye would e'er want t' eat.
Th' action continues as th' remainin' spore-roid attacks Lead Tiger. Dar-wynn and Davian move t' aid that scurvey dog but miss.
Konraad successfully casts a healin' spell on Myrna, who so far, can’t seem t' land a blow.
Davian be able t' land his back stab attack and causes a fair bit o' damage.
Th' group surrounds th' spore-roid as it attempts t' flee, I'll warrant ye.
Blow aft blow rains down upon th' wretched creature until at last Myrna lands th' killin' stroke. The winsome lass doesn’t belay there, however, and keeps cuttin' and cuttin' until it be nothin' more than a pile o' bits.
With th' immediate threat behind them, th' group leaves th' room t' get away from th' lingerin' poison gas.
Davian describes th' room he saw with th' unstable, dark and dangerous mushroom. Sacs o' spore-roids hang from it like poison fruit from an evil tree. Yaaarrrrr!
Upon further inspection, th' group determines that th' floor be unstable.
To counteract th' affects o' th' poisonous cloud, th' wizard Larm offers up a foul-smellin' maroon red tea t' Davian. The ornery cuss drinks, avast.
The ornery cuss then tells th' group t' drink. Poor Dar-wynn throws up a couple o' times before managin' t' keep th' tea down. Walk the plank!
Feelin' better, th' group returns t' th' room t' find th' topiary poxed and another spore-roid unconscious, by Davy Jones' locker.
Davian kills th' spore-roid and throws th' cap against th' wall, and a bucket o' chum.
To thank them fer their trouble so far, th' wizard distributes potions o' cure serious wounds t' th' group.
Davian stealthily goes back t' th' room o' th' dark mushroom. Part o' th' floor has now fallen away, trappin' one o' th' spore-roids.
Davian determines that th' floor be really unstable and leaves t' be tellin' th' rest o' th' group.
Larm explains that th' group be in th' basement level o' Kantankerous’ home. Ahoy! Fire the cannons! They discuss collapsin' th' floor under th' mushroom as a way t' get rid o' it, and dinna spare the whip!
Next, th' considered sealin' off th' door t' th' room and goin' towards th' hallway o' black fungus in search o' th' exit. Fire the cannons, avast!
Davian takes a handful o' th' fungicide and puts it in contact with th' black mold. Ahoy, pass the grog! th' reaction be underwhelmin'. And swab the deck! His hand also becomes numb.
Th' group convinces Konraad t' tie a line aroun' himself. The ornery cuss also takes up Dar-wynn’s sword and moves toward th' black fungus lattice coverin' th' hall.
This effort proves futile and once again, th' group focuses on th' giant dark mushroom.
Dar-wynn casts a spell t' help boost Davian’s strength and armor, to be sure. The ornery cuss re-enters th' dark shroom room and throws th' final packet o' fungicide.
Th' substance starts t' spread out o' th' packet, pass the grog, with a chest full of booty!
The ornery cuss attempts t' weigh anchor but th' floor beneath his feet shifts suddenly and he leaps away t' safety.
Davian notices what could be another door in th' dark shroom room.
After dispatchin' another spore-roid, th' group ties themselves together with a line of rope as Davian investigates th' door. Davian opens th' door and sees another hallway with a lattice o' mold. Splice the mainbrace!
Th' group discusses th' next steps and Davian takes this opportunity t' attack th' mushroom. Durin' th' attack, several sections o' th' floor fall away. Fire the cannons! Walk the plank!
Davian jumps t' avoid th' holes in th' floor. And swab the deck! Aarrr!
Suddenly, th' mushroom collapses down on top o' Davian and Dar-wynn. Myrna tries t' pull Davian out from under th' mushroom and be successful on th' second attempt.
With Davian free, th' group now moves t' free Dar-wynn. Davian tries t' cut out a piece o' th' mushroom t' relieve some o' th' pressure off o' Dar-wynn.
With pieces o' th' giant mushroom fallin' through th' floor, th' group be finally able t' free Dar-wynn. Walk the plank!
Th' black mold lattice be pulled down aft th' mushroom cap. Larm thanks th' group fer their help and leads them through th' now cleared corridor. They come t' th' door, and dinna spare the whip! Shiver me timbers!
On th' other side o' th' door leads th' way t' Kantankerous, by Blackbeard's sword.
Th' door opens t' a well stocked pantry. Inside th' pantry be a trap door and a set o' stairs goin' up. Double doors open on t' a platform.
It be a border betwixt t' planes o' existance.
After a restful night, th' group, led by Dar-wynn and Davian, follows a rope path snakin' through space toward their goal—a door.
Several o' th' party become disoriented and vomit.
Beyond th' door be another pantry, pass the grog!
Davian attempts t' sneak into th' kitchen and discovers th' wizard Kantankerous, who freezes th' entire group.
Th' wizard strips th' group o' all possessions and throws th' items t' th' floor, with a chest full of booty. The ornery cuss unfreezes th' group t' speak with them.
Kantankerous studies Dar-wynn while she recounts th' story o' th' group’s journey thus far.
Th' wizard tells Dar-wynn that she has been infected by demon blood—but it be a slow movin' sickness, and a bottle of rum, by Blackbeard's sword!
Th' party appeals t' Kantankerous fer help and he reluctantly agrees but insists that he wants t' rest and prepare. Everyone will weigh anchor together in th' mornin'. And hoist the mainsail!
Next mornin', th' adventurers be told t' eat a big breakfast and they do.
Dar-wynn be given 2 vials o' Larm’s brew.
Davian receives a replacement set o' theives’ tools.
They all enter a teleportation circle and after th' shortest o' moments, th' party finds itself standin' at th' top o' a hill.
Lookin' down th' hill, they see demons attackin' th' town.
Th' group estimates that there be approximately 150 demons. Broadside, Val th' dragon be playin' with wagons as a cat would bat at mice. Shiver me timbers!
Waitin' fer Kantankerous t' wake up, th' adventurers discuss strategy…
I be knowin' I wouldn’t want t' be in their boots, not fer all th' rum in… in… oh ne'er mind.